Spoiler alert: This is not a pregnancy announcement. It should have been. I wish it was, but sadly, this story doesn’t end the way we wanted it. We hope we can share this humbly, because even through our loss, God was there and He was so, so good.
After we moved and changed doctors, we had to take a month off of treatments. When we got the news, it had been exactly a month since my dream. We had no expectations. We also had no idea.
Once the month was over, our new doctor gave me a shot to jumpstart treatments. Two weeks had past and nothing happened. I called the doctor on October 30th and asked what needed to happen since the shot didn’t work. They told me I needed to take a pregnancy test in the morning, and then come in the following day. So, I went to bed on October 30th excited that tomorrow would be another doctor’s appointment that would lead us closer to the beginning of a new cycle and a new chance for the treatments to work.
I woke up at 4 am on Halloween morning. I was wide-awake. This was really bizarre, because I’m not a morning person. In fact, I once had a good friend give me a mug that says, “No Talkie Before Coffee,” which is usually my morning anthem. Taylor went to workout around 5:15, and right after he left I took my pregnancy test. Honestly, I almost forgot I had even taken the test. I laid it on the counter and went to let the dogs out, and didn’t come back for a while. Like I said, we had zero expectations.
We were so sure we would not get pregnant in the time off from treatments that I had my wisdom teeth taken out. I had SURGERY! How could it happen with no treatment? It had been YEARS since my body “worked” on its own. There was no way we’d get pregnant without any help, right?
Once I remembered the test, I went back upstairs. I glanced at the test on the counter, then did a double take. Complete shock is an understatement.
There were Two. Pink. Lines.
TWO PINK LINES!!
I could not believe it.
But I did believe it, immediately. I was pregnant! We were pregnant! I felt no need to take another test. For months and months, every test had ended in one bold, pink line. But now, two pink lines?! I cannot describe the feeling I felt. Immediate tears of shock and joy. I was HYSTERICAL. I was holding the test and walking back and forth in our hallway upstairs in the dark screaming,
“God, You did this?! You did this for us?! You did this for me?! God, is this really true?! Is it true, Lord? You did this?! Thank you so much God. Thank you so much!”
I probably said that 50 times. If you had been there, you would have thought I lost it. There I was alone at 5:30 on Halloween morning, crying on my knees in the dark because the Lord had answered our prayers.
I’ve already lost it as I type this out. It will probably take 4 boxes of tissues to finish this post, but I’ll get there.
In that moment, God had let me in on a secret and it was such a special moment. I had never felt such shock and joy at the same time in my life. I took a picture because I wanted to remember how it felt the moment I knew God had heard my prayers and He answered. My husband laughs at me for taking this picture, but I believe it tells a thousand words.
I knew my husband would be home soon. I tried to think of something cute to do to tell him the exciting news, but I honestly couldn’t keep it together. So, I got my Bible out and I turned to Psalm 139:13 and I read it out loud, thanking the Lord. There was so much shouting and praising happening and the sun hadn’t even come up yet! I put the pregnancy test on top of the verse and stood in the kitchen when I heard the garage door go up.
Taylor walked in and saw my face. I couldn’t talk. I was completely speechless, but I pointed to the Bible. Cheesy, I know. Taylor walked over and he saw the positive test and immediately hugged me. He felt as much shock as I did. That morning was so special for the two of us. We laughed and cried and prayed together. Shortly after, I wrote a letter to my baby. I had been journaling about this journey in hopes one day I could share it with my future child. I wanted him or her to know the story of how we found out, and how much they had been loved long before they got here. I wanted them to know how faithful God was and that they were a gift from Him.
This would be the best Halloween ever. We had 7 bowls of candy ready for trick-or-treaters. The fridge was full of chili and cornbread ingredients. Before our friends arrived, I had to have my blood drawn at the doctors office, and I had to see my fertility acupuncturist.
I walked into the doctor’s office that morning like I was Mary Tyler Moore in the intro of her show. (Cue the music: “You’re going to make it after all!”) I could have hugged every stranger in the waiting room and thrown my hat in the air. I wanted all the nurses and technicians to high five me and congratulate us. We were pregnant! What a glorious day! You’re ready for me nurse? Sure! Go ahead and draw my blood! I’m looking forward to it! Wait, was I skipping?? My smile was bigger than it had ever been. I was on cloud nine. My hcg levels had doubled. I was absolutely pregnant! The nurse said I was 4-5 weeks along.
I headed to my fertility acupuncturists office right after my doctors appointment. She was the first to know the good news besides my husband. She was there to greet me with a gift bag full of pregnancy goodies- Preggie Pops, Preggie Chews, samples, pamphlets on every business in our area that supports a carrying momma, and even a free newborn photo session. Finally, I was on the other side.
I shared our miracle story with her. No medicines. No doctor’s office. God wrote a story we would have never expected! Then, on an odd note, I ended the session telling her that I had a fear I was going to lose this baby. I was battling with some feelings of loss, and thought maybe it was because this journey had been hard.
We couldn’t keep this news from our parents. We could barely keep it to ourselves. I went to Target and bought a few supplies and crafted the most meaningful announcement I could think of to share with my in laws and parents. For so many months I dreamed of going down the baby aisles and buying things for my baby. That dream had finally come true! I was going to be a mom! I knew exactly how I wanted to share the news. I bought a onesie that said, “The Adventure Begins.” I bought pink and blue tissue paper, and planned an element of surprise. I could just picture the faces on both our moms! I could see our dads smiling ear to ear. This would be their first grandchild! The excitement was so high. I wrapped the onesie in blue and pink tissue paper and waited until my husband got home. The announcement was ready to go. We would celebrate Halloween, then make plans to travel and tell our families.
I was going to be pregnant at Christmas after all! Taylor and I celebrated that night with friends, chili, and lots of trick or treaters. We bonded over being the only ones in the world who knew about this little miracle.
My heart kept singing, “Thank you Lord for hearing our prayers. Thank you for this miracle. Thank you for walking every step with us. Every part of me wants to shout your name from the rooftops. Your story is more than I could have ever imagined.” I was already so attached to this little life growing inside me. I was already so in love with it. I wanted to spend every day praying over it and counting down the days until I met my sweet, answered prayer. God literally made my dreams come true.
As you know now, this story doesn’t end the way we wanted. We want to thank you for reading, and thank you for all the prayers you’ve sent us throughout this time.
Our next post will be the most difficult one I’ll ever write. It will be full of emotion and heartache, but believe it or not, God met us in that heartache. He comforted us. He helped us. He brought us peace, and that is why we have to share our story. Even in pain, God is still good, and He still deserves all the glory.
Our God IS faithful. Our God IS good. Our God IS always with us.
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